The fact I have school tomorrow genuinely scares me. I’m going to be on my own and super fucking down all day. That place is not somewhere I want to be.
We both have a lot on in the next few months also, so we won’t really have time for each other. We both thought he’d be going to Cardiff, which is pretty much half hour on the train, so that’d be fine. But he’s not going there anymore so it’s about a 2/2.5 hour bus journey and with the course he is doing (civil engineering) he will be at Uni 9-7 every single day apart from the weekends, plus he’ll be getting a job. I also have a job where I work both Saturday and Sunday and I’m in 2 shows this next year/6 months so we won’t have time to make the relationship work. As much as i love him and want it to work..from past experience with being a good few hours away/long distance, it’s just not practical anymore and i don’t cope with it very well. He would probably be okay but with the kind of person i am, i just can’t do that. Spending a week away from each other is very hard for me (disgustingly soppy ik, soz) and i don’t know how often we would see each other. If we can arrange something whilst he’s there and we do in fact get back together, that will make me very happy. I am by no means giving up on the relationship, to me, I’ll still be his girlfriend and I’m not looking for anyone else, neither do i want to be with anyone else. I feel like it’d be wrong after being with him for so long and sharing so much with him the past year. He’s made me so bloody happy, even if i am still an emotional wreck the majority of the time. I hope he knows that and knows how much i do love him and probably will for a very very VERY long time. In fairness, if i hadn’t have met him and i carried on doing what i was doing, being with the people i was hanging out with, i probably wouldn’t be here/be as happy as i am now. I was poorly and partying a bit much then. I’m grown up now and it’s thanks to him. He will probably never read this and i know it’s incredibly soppy too aha, but i’m a loser ok.
It kills me that I’m having to say goodbye to him in just over two weeks, but we both agreed that it would be better for us and our schedule and whatnot. He’ll find someone who treats him better and makes him happier than i ever could and just thinking about that kills me a lil bit. But if it changes and he wants to make it work, then obviously I’m not gonna say no.
God that turned out to be a loooong answer. Sorry haha.
It’s hard to think that in 18 days, I will be single and possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me is leaving for Uni. I don’t quite know how to deal with that yet.
So many businessey type people in coffee 1 today
And with how I am dressed I actually feel like I fit in
Today is good clothes day
I feel very very sick ew I’m hoping breakfast with the B1, Reading pals will cheer me up/make me feel less poorly.